Making the Magic Last

For almost 4 decades, Dr. John Gottman has been looking at what makes relationships work. In doing so, he has identified two categories of relationships: the Masters and the Disasters. If the goal is to be a Master and not a Disaster, what’s the secret? How can couples make sure that their relationship will last? The simple answer is to connect, connect, and connect.

Since a relationship is created through the process of connecting with another person, the way to make the relationship last is to deepen the connections with that person. A mistake of many relationships is to focus on only one level of connection. Some couples found their initial connection as a result of intellectual, social, sexual, spiritual, or emotional needs. While meeting the needs in one area is temporarily satisfying, the key to future survival of a relationship is to nurture all of these levels. The magic in a relationship can only be secured if each level of the relationship is given an opportunity to function well. That is not to say that all levels need to be in balance. In fact, there will be times when one or more aspects of the relationship is essentially non-existent. At other times, it may be a different area that is ignored. Yet, over time, all areas need attention. That is what makes the magic last!

Purpose
The focus of this class is to help couples learn the research-based tools for keeping a relationship happy and satisfied after having a baby. Couples will learn the reasons why relationships often have difficulty (and how to avoid them). They will also be introduced to the characteristics of a healthy relationship and given tools for keeping a relationship strong. This class teaches the skills necessary to focus on the couple’s relationship, which in turn can increase the parent / child bond and give a child the best possible start.

Parents will Learn:

• The characteristics of a magical relationship
• What happens to kids when the magic lasts
• 4 reasons why relationships fail
• 6 steps for making the magic last
• 3 ways to respond to a bid and how to RSVP

 

Managing Stress and Conflict Regulation

For most couples, pregnancy and parenting are filled with worries.  Will the baby be OK?  Will we make it to hospital on time?  Pregnancy is an exciting time, but ask anyone with a teenager and they will tell you that stress and worries are just “part of parenting”.   For most new parents, it is not these everyday worries that keep them awake at night because for the most part, achieving these tasks are within a parent’s perceived control.  It is the other worries of parenting, the social, environmental, and political events that feel the most dangerous.  As parents, we are trained to keep our kids close and to do anything necessary to protect them.  Having children causes the most extreme of our biological instincts to kick in.  Parenting is one of the greatest joys a person can experience; however it can also make you feel vulnerable and responsible.

Add to the newness of parenting, the changes of the transition to parenthood and your equilibrium as a couple is certain to be thrown off.  The transition to parenthood creates situations where conflict inevitably occurs and issues need to be discussed.  This is normal!  In fact, it’s just part of daily life.  So, is the only way to a happy relationship to avoid fighting?  Absolutely not!  It is not suggested that you avoid or ignore conflict.  Instead, the suggestion is to find ways to regulate conflict.  Notice that the word resolved is not used.    It is encouraged at times to raise challenging issues and to talk about things that are not working well.  One of the first ways to regulate conflict is to manage stress for both partners. 

It’s not how often you fight with your partner that will determine the success of your relationship, it’s the way that you fight.  Couples that build their relationship on a foundation of friendship and respect for one another have a powerful buffer for when rocky times hit.  For these couples, it takes a far more significant conflict to make the relationship unhappy.  Since conflict is unavoidable, it is important to realize that the effects of parental fighting have a strong (and mostly negative) impact on children.  As parents, it is our responsibility to manage our stress and to “fight fair” so that our conflicts don’t have a negative impact on our children.  This is part of creating strong and healthy families.

Purpose

The focus of this class is to help couples learn research-based tools for managing conflict and stress in order to maintain relationship satisfaction. You will learn the 4 warning signs for stress, and why it is important to manage them.  You will learn 4 ways that couples have conflict and the steps to regulate it.  When couples fight, children are affected.  This section will explore the impact and teach 4 ways to help a child after a fight. 

Parents will learn:

• 4 stress warning signs
• Why it is important to manage stress
• What happens when stress is managed well vs. when it is destructive
• 4 ways that couples have conflict
• 5 steps to regulate conflict
• 4 ways to help your child after a fight
• 3 tools for decreasing relationship stress